so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
