I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
