Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
