Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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