the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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