i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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