PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
