Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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