I wish i was in the wii world.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
