just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
