i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
vagina is talking i cant
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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