I can tuck mytits in my pants
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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