"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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