I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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