Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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