I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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