She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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