life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Is it because I queefed?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
