if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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