That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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