Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
