So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
