miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
