The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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