I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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