is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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