3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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