you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize