i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
