Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
