Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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