im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
