My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
