You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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