is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
The best revenge is premature balding
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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