i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
