i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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