i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
