Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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