This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You are the jesus of drinking
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
