help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
