you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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