Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
