Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
