I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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