i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
