I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
