this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize