You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
