I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
