Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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