Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
