every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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