Sry I called you an 8
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
