SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
