have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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