this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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