NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
