Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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