Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
