Even the bartender felt bad for me
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
