Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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