Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
