"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
