I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize