everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
