he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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