That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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