This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
