She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
