all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
