On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The adults are the big ones right?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
