The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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